If you’ve been following me on Twitter or Facebook then you know I’ve been researching and writing a book on how we often “Enable” people in our lives in their bad habits. Enabling means, “to make easier”.Sometimes we do this through paying the bills for someone in addiction, covering their tracks for them, or by making excuses for their behavior to others when you know it’s about addiction. Many of us know that enabling others is harmful and counter productive, but we fail to realize when we are doing it ourselves. Here’s my request. If you’ve ever been used by an addict, you’ve enabled, or you have been the addict that has used others to make your life easier – I’d love to hear from you. You can post a brief thought here on the blog and include your email in the set-up and I’ll touch base with you. I need as many illustrations as I can get for types of enabling. One thing I know for sure, this book is going to help many people and I would appreciate your help with it.DC
Giving money to homeless people who were quite possibly addicts – yep – I’ve been guilty of it.
David, I myself have been on both sides of the fence. Having been there sometimes actually makes it hard to say no to people sometimes. And then i tend to feel bad but after having it happen enough times I’ve learned how to say no even if i get that bad feeling as though i’ve let that individual down. I get the feeling afterwards as i’ve actually helped them by saying no. Can’t wait to read the book when it comes out.
I think one of the reasons behind enabling people that I have seen if fear. Fear of what might happen to them if I don’t say yes. Fear of feeling like we will be the blame for what happens to them, if they go to an extreme to supply their habit. Fear of what my friends would think if they knew my son was an addict. Fear of what if rock bottom ends up being death. From my experience fear can play a large factor in a person enabling another.
Doing things for people that they can probably do for themselves…your probably not helping. I also have been on both sides. It seems to be human nature to want to help other people. Addicts can have a number of problems besides drugs, and who doesn’t have problems whether they are on drugs or not really? Good luck with your paper.
We are at times blinded by a misunderstanding of “love” and “doing good.” Recognition of what we do to enable is critical -as it is always the first step to change.
Much of the time there is the intimidation factor and almost always some manipulation from the addict. “If you love me you will..”
Great subject DC. I will be praying for you!